While in Charlottesville visiting our family, we took a walk down what they called "the mall," this outside area with wide pedestrian walkways and shops on either side. I'd seen them in Europe in the early 70's, and it was similar yet different; however the shops were all interesting. One stationary shop, which always attracts my attention because of my interest in fountain pens, appeared fun. I bought a small book there, Mind Your Manners! Given what I see on the road, in restaurants, in television programming, it's a book worth discussing on a blog like this one.
Rule 1: Every Action done in Company ought to be with Some Sign of Respect to those that are Present.
I loved this rule, although I wish there had been an addendum here, because at my first school, it wasn't always just what was said when people were standing or sitting in the company of "would-be" friends and colleagues. I worked with this building administrator, who would sit with a number of male employees, and whoever wasn't there--with only a couple of exceptions--were victimized by frank but extremely cruel discussions of that person's character and standing within the workplace. Ironically, students at that school called this man "The Green Weeny." It seems he always wore the same green suit, a late 60's polyester leisure thing, which looked extremely bad for wear, especially under the arms where slight white stains appeared in circles under each arm.
"Just look at "so and so," he would say as a married couple approached the doors of the school. "They always arrive this way, and she always carries the large box, loaded with classroom materials." I heard the man say that every morning when they arrived. I resented it, because they were both people I respected and liked, which makes me just as weak, since I didn't do or say anything to stop the silliness.
First, they always arrived on time, which was extraordinary, since at least one of his confidants always came in the back door 15-20 minutes late. Both were very good teachers, and the husband always had this fantastic sense of humor. And then one day, the husband said something as he entered the school, "Who are you boys talking about behind their backs this morning?"
I think I laughed at the most that day, not only because of the velocity involved in a smug grin disappearing from the principal's face, but because of the incredible timing involved in the whole situation.
Rule 2: When in Company, put not your Hands to any Part of the Body, not usually Discovered.
Now, this one is a classic, although it should appear in the dressing rooms of all sports teams, especially professional baseball. A syndicated writer, who wrote short columns and funny short essays and novels, once said that she would buy a house or car from any one of these players, because the same honesty that allowed them to scratch, itch and spit in public, would hopefully require them to be forthcoming in every way about flaws of the for sale item in question.
Rule 3: Show Nothing to your Friend that may affright him.
This one was interesting, because James Henry, the compiler of the book, added this comment: "Strive not to scare the begezzus out of of your companions."
I only remember this happening rarely, because I always figured that if you did it too often, the victim would be desensitized, which significantly affects the amount of satisfaction I often took in accomplishing something like this. However, on one occasion, I walked into a high school library to pick up audiovisual equipment, and this staff member, who always had make-up and penciled eyebrows done to perfection, had awakened late one morning. I walk into the library, while she hides behind a small mirror--one of those compact things women carry in those gigantic purses. She looks up at me, and automatically I took a pen and pencil from the top of the desk and formed them into a cross. "Get behind me Satan!" I said the first words that came out of my mouth, because I couldn't remember the exact discourse that any vampire slayer would use. Her unadorned image was scary, but the whole situation was really quite funny, at least from my perspective.
Rule 4: In the Presence of Others Sing not to yourself with a humming Noise, or Drum with your Fingers or Feet.
Now I only knew a few people this annoying, and most of them were music teachers. "Old School Music Instructors" took a break from their roles, mainly I think because there are only so many times, that humming the notes to Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star, could entertain the mind of even the most artistic band teacher, but the new ones never gave it a rest. One choir teacher in particular was an example of this. It shocked me that no one in the faculty room addressed the situation during lunch, but I somehow learned to cope with it. I just decided that if he choked on food, I would never administer first aid to him in any way, but since he was a male, there's that whole issue of mouth to mouth rescussitation any way.
Rule 5: If you Cough, Sneeze, Sigh or Yawn, do it not Loud buy Privately; and Speak not in your Yawning, but put Your handkerchief or Hand before your face and turn aside.
This rule should go without saying, especially for most Europeans I knew. Their sense of space was much different than what Americans really appreciate. It must be the whole thing about living in wide open spaces, because I, for one, never liked someone talking inches from my face--except from my Sweetie of course. And for those who want a modern perspective, the compiler of this book had another interpretation as well: "Company should be spared the sight of the interior of your facial cavity."
Rule 6: Sleep not when others Speak, Sit not when others stand, Speak not when you Should hold your Peace, walk not on when others Stop.
Somehow, I don't think George Washington would have liked Walt Whitman and the whole "walk to the sound of your own drum" thing. Personally, I liked Walt Whitman, until I read his poem, where he penned the words "Oh, luscious me."
Rule 7: Put not off your Clothes in the presence of Others, nor go out your Chamber half Drest.
The compiler again addressed the issue to allow 21st century readers appreciate the wisdom: "Before going nude, be sure to set the mood."
Again, personally I think people look best dressed. Although I once thought differently about certain individuals like Ursula Andress, Raquel Welch and Sophia Loren. But when I was 17, my brain was not fully developed. You have confidence that somehow disappears after the age of 40 or earlier. I don't want anyone seeing me, and I sure as hell don't want to see anyone else that way, excepting my Sweetie of course.
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