
For me, one of the things I learned was a connection with the land. My father taught me that.
As long as I live, I will think of spring, a time when those tall yellow flowers--we called docks--would bloom on range ground; a time when those summer breezes tossed green fields of grain in twists and turns, making masses of tall plants look like an inland sea; a time when fall brought a hush to blue jays and even crows and dry grasses dominated the scene; and a time when a heavy snowfall left a coat of snow on cedars on the mountain near the old farm house.
These are things I remember. Things I will always remember.
It is time to move on at this point. My family owned that ranch since '26. We survived the Great Depression, a World War, drought, grasshopper infestations, frost, lightening fires. All of those things were obstacles that defined us. We survived, not because we owned the land. It was because it somehow enhanced the character we had as individuals. The process enabled us to keep the land.
We took care of it. It took care of us.
Sometimes people feel owned by something--acted upon or even manipulated. There is a difference. A thing doesn't empower you. It's what it potentially may trigger, something you have deep inside. It's like this fire or drive you feel to succeed.
Possession of that land by our family has now been a fact for 86 years. That's a long time for a family to have survived in a harsh environment, and farming in desert country was exactly that. It brought new meaning to the term "dry farm."
My grandfather succeeded and was extremely successful. He taught my father those skills.
Certain fields had to be dug a certain depth to maintain moisture to plant crops in the fall. You had to start early in the spring, and maintaining the land not only meant keeping the weeds off the cropland, but it was also about making sure that a hard crust on top didn't form and allow moisture to leave.
There was more than just working hard. That was a given. It was a feel about things, something that assured you that you had done the job correctly.
Dad would stamp through tilled fields, and he'd have me do it with him, until I found exactly the right feel. It was something he did with me for years. It's how my father taught me to farm the land. Most people just don't understand, that there is an art about farming. To have learned those things from him meant a lot to me, whether or not I used it on the job. Figuratively speaking, his daily lessons taught me much about succeeding in life on so many different levels.
But even as late as the summer of 1990 when dad and I talked, it was his plan for me to farm there. He was excited I wanted to do it. For me, I loved the connection with the land.
But the only inevitable thing about life is change. Nothing stays the same. Nothing offers a guarantee.
Who would have thought that my father would have had a serious bout with colon cancer? Who would have thought that dad's cancer would return five years after beating it initially?
Our optimism blinded us. The odds were against us from the beginning, but our entire family remained optimistic. We hoped for the best. And we did what we could do to get by at that time. Positive thinking is powerful medicine.
Dad understood I had to keep my job during winter months, and he looked forward to my working with him during the summers.
But dad's cancer did return in the late fall of 1990. It still is a dark memory. During that time, I drove almost every weekend to be with him during that horrible time--whether at the hospital, at the ranch or especially at home in Malad during the final days before his passing.
We bought a new car in the fall of 1990, purchase we made before we knew about dad's fight for life. In the next four months, I put 38,000 miles on that van. I was there for my dad, just like he would have been there for me.
The plans dad had to make came quickly served an important purpose. Dad couldn't afford to retire at his age, because it was important that mom have the financial support she needed. There wasn't enough money in farming to support more than one family, even thought he farm was large. It was the reason for my having to work at another job.
Dad and I planned on my eventually returning to do what we had always planned to do. It never happened.
Things never worked like dad hoped. Crop failures, drought, frost all came with his cancer. It all made things impossible to continue life as it once was.
Dad lost his fight in February of 1991.
Cancer took it's toll on me twelve years later. I survived against the odds. Sometimes tragedy masks an incredible blessing. Mine was being able to survive, being able to continue living for wife, children, grandchildren.
However, I was never the same after being seriously sick like I was, and only those who suffered with me every day understand those issues and those obstacles. For me, my mom had enough on her plate in the early years after dad's death.
She coped. She oversaw the ranch. She ensured its financially stability.
Mom worked a miracle. Like my dad's passing, our farm could easily have gone to the bank after the difficult transition, but it didn't.
The sacrifices she made emotionally were to keep things as dad would have liked them to be.
Then in 2011, twenty years after my dad's death, my mom found change looming. Just like it did for my father, fall brought a harsh reality.
The worst part was my inability to be able to care for my mom during this time. My immune system, my immobility, my other physical problems kept me from being there for her like I did for my dad, but mom understood the situation.
I am grateful for the memories, but I refuse to wallow in them. I refuse to think that the work I did for so long empowered me or granted me some sort of entitlement, because the only responsibility it granted me was to continue living as my parents taught me.
They used the farm to teach me this important life skill.
Life goes on. This is how I view this farewell: if I somehow missed the lessons to learned while working the land with my father, or if I didn't realize that how the land affected me in life, then I wasted my time.
I worked long hours. It was not about money, because I didn't make any of that. It was not about ego, because there was no time to feel pride about ownership.
It was about knowing that I was there, when my father needed me. I did my best to do that for my mom as well.
The ultimate reward was hearing dad tell me how much he missed me after our move, and most importantly, it was about hearing how much I meant to him. He showed it in his eyes in the final days of his life.
Our conversations will forever remain something I claim as mine. No one else needs to know what he and I discussed in terms of farm or family or future. He told me things no else knew. I am grateful for the connection we developed over the years.
It was about a conversation just before his passing, when he told me he would petition God for me to join him as soon as possible.
The last one is not a popular thing for my Annie. When I told her about that conversation I had with my dad in late January of 1991, she was not pleased.
This year has been another awful experience. I had a positive relationship with my mother too. She expected me to be strong and independent. Her having to support me financially, emotionally, or otherwise was not a fear, because she knew I could do things for myself in spite of difficulty.
She and dad raised me that way. It's another blessing of growing up on a dry farm.
I have had an incredible life, and this land was part of it, but it's time to move forward and use what I learned to continue living as my father taught me and as my mother taught me.
It's all the wealth you could ever ask for in life. It's something you take with you forever.