Ann was able to be with the grandchildren in January, and during that time, she spent a good deal doing something she loved--cuddling our new little one in her arms. It was a child's glimpse of the spoiling that Grannie Annie would continue to do. And as for me, I still look forward to seeing her and getting a chance to hold her. But at least then she will be older, so I won't feel the usual tension I feel when holding a baby.
While I do it, I worry that I am holding them too hard and hurting them somehow. Of course, it doesn't help things when I see that spot on a baby's head that throbs with each tiny beat of a heart. After a short time, I always ask Annie to hold the baby.
I was that way with my own children, and I continue to have those feelings now. I remember my dad saying that too.
I have noticed, however, that those weird feelings of paranoia are not like they were years ago. Having grandchildren changes a person. You no longer feel some of those fears, and you feel overcome with the joy of being able to spoil a child and then send him home for parents to deal with the consequences.
But even then, I don't like seeing them go home. Whenever I have grandchildren in my home, I savor each moment. In cases where I haven't seen them in a long time and it takes a long time to get them to Idaho Falls, I am so excited to see them, that I forget about those fears I have felt for decades.
I'm always sad when I see them leave, but that's a good sign. Loving grandchildren is not something difficult for me. I enjoy every minute with them, and I savor every experience.
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