Please Pass The Defibrillator

The mobility issues I have as a result of radical chemo therapy are a major factor in the way I live. I do my best to walk, but my joints hurt, and if I walk a long distance, it taxes me physically. I had a couple of times when I took those walks, and it really bothered people.

"Your face looks gray," they told me. Their eyes were large, and they felt uncomfortable. It wasn't that they didn't like "hanging out" with an old fat guy. The issue was simple: it scared them to death that I would have a heart attack or something.

On one occasion, I told a group of people I met in DC, that I didn't dare fall asleep during a meeting, because I feared I would awaken to sirens and a small squad of people, who after tearing open my shirt, would slap a defibrillator on my chest.

I even told them my concern was it might trigger smoke detectors in the building when my hairy chest caught fire during the course of the electric shock. No one thought it was funny. They didn't even crack a tiny smile. But as usual, I laughed. I always react that way to my own jokes.

My son always had a way of taking a picture that was not what you wanted, and I probably taught him that tendency. When we first bought a movie camera with great sound, we filmed Annie snoring on the couch.

Was it funny? Oh yes, it was funny--hilariously funny, but my Annie senses something like that. It's like this superpower she has, when someone makes a remark about snoring. But the sound of a movie camera was fain, but she roused out of a deep sleep.

I caught hell, big time. What made it even more complicated was my son's cackling.

Karma is a funny thing. Almost twenty years later, my son caught this wonderful photograph at the rehabilitation center, where my mom stays trying to recuperate from the effects of her stroke. Finally, I don't see humor in it either, and I now understand why my wife was angry about being filmed. I obviously don't have any superpowers of hypersensitivity.

I guess I'm pretty much insensitive. Maybe that's my superpower.

But one thing about it. My wife is cute when she snores, and there's nothing cute about my picture, but at least I didn't sleep with my eyes half open as I sometimes do.

It's scary. The reality of sensing the smell of burned hair on that day in the lobby would not have been funny. I guess those people in the meeting were right on track.